EDEN Grace’s STORY

As I sit here to try to write Eden’s story, I realize there are so many things I need and want to say. I want the world to know about her although I also have some reservations… What part of her story should I not share because it is too sad or emotional? However, I must share it all to honor my daughter.

My husband and I struggled with infertility for years. We started our infertility journey in 2012 after being married for 3 years. Our first round of in vitro was in December, 2013. After transferring two of three embryos, we received the saddest news that it had failed. 

By the grace of God, we became naturally pregnant with our oldest, Anderson, in April of 2014. He was born that December. Again, by the grace of God, when Anderson was one, we were blessed with another pregnancy. Our second son, Asher, was born in September of 2016. After trying for several years, we decided to transfer the last embryo in early March 2020. It too failed. Five months after the second failed in vitro, again we became pregnant naturally. Having our prayers answered, we were ecstatic! Soon, our story would take a turn…

Since my mom wanted to decorate the nursery for us as a surprise, we all agreed only Mom would know the baby’s sex. At 10 weeks, I did the blood work. Little did we know our world would come crashing down two weeks later. My obstetrician called with the news. Our baby had an 87% chance of having Trisomy 21, Down Syndrome. I was so completely shocked. There were no chromosomal abnormalities in either one of our families. How could this happen to us?

My doctor performed a procedure called amniocentesis. A needle is passed through your abdominal wall into the amniotic fluid to obtain a sample of fluid to confirm what the blood work was predicting. So, we held our breath for two weeks while waiting for the results. Our little baby, now knowing it was a girl, had an official diagnosis.

I knew in my heart that this baby girl was going to accomplish great things regardless of her diagnosis. So, we hit the ground running. My husband and I spent endless hours researching. We wanted to tackle this by learning everything we could so we could be the best parents to her. Our high-risk OB said Eden looked great at every appointment, which I had a ton of them!  She was growing, thriving, and was moving all the time. So much that I called her our tiny dancer. One particular week I had an ultrasound of her on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday and every day she was in a different position. I knew there was no way that she could be this active in utero and not come out fierce and feisty! The more she moved, the more my fears lessened. Then, my world stopped…

I had my regular OB appointment on Monday. She was fine. I went to work on Tuesday. It was busy in the operating room that morning. I give anesthesia and sometimes hours can go by in a blink because it is that busy in the operating room. I remember her moving probably around 9:30am and saying “good morning, baby girl” to her quietly as I rubbed my tummy. I got home a little after lunch and decided to take a nap. After my nap, I couldn’t seem to get her to move. I decided to lie in bed and do a couple of hours of kick counts. After an hour and a half, I called my husband telling him we needed to go to the hospital because she wouldn’t move after eating skittles and having a carbonated drink. 

Once we got there, my husband went to park the car. I went straight up to the OB floor where I was met with familiar faces because I had worked at this hospital previously. That’s when my story begins to get hazy. I’ve had to ask many people to fill in the blanks…

What I do remember is seeing the face of my nurse who couldn’t find her heartbeat. I was trying not to panic. My husband had not yet gotten to my room. After what felt like an eternity, the hospitalist OB came in to perform an ultrasound. No heartbeat! At that moment, my husband arrived seeing the shock on my face. I remember crying out to God and praying that this wasn’t true.

Once it was confirmed that Eden had passed away,  I decided I wanted to have her that night. The OR team prepped me for my cesarean section. At 8:12 pm, I got to meet my baby girl, Eden Grace, three weeks before her actual due date. I learned that she was wrapped up in her umbilical cord, causing her death.

I will never forget what I saw when they finally brought her to me. She was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen. She had the cutest button nose and full lips. She weighed 5lbs 13oz, and had lots of red hair.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about her, dream about her, and wonder what we would be doing with her. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wonder what went wrong. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wonder what I could have done differently.

In my most certain moments, I have a clear understanding of some things deep in my soul. I could not have gotten through this loss without my family, my friends, and my faith in God. I also have two guardian angels, Hollyn and Anna. They have helped me navigate through this new world of grief as they too have lost a baby of their own. This support system, without a doubt, helped me not fall into complete darkness. They showed me that the pain of losing Eden will not kill me but, in fact, will make me stronger. I didn’t have to go through this alone. My prayer is that no woman ever has to. I want MOHA to be a platform for therapeutic healing. If we can achieve this for just one woman, then Eden Grace’s story will live on.