Day Of Loss Resources
Current Podcast EPISODE. 004
Day of Loss Support
Find crucial support for the first days in the hospital from stillbirth and neonatal loss. Three mom's who have walked this path and have come out on the other end offer essential advice on how to survive after being told your baby has passed. Tune in for practical and motivational wisdom.
What to do when you find out about your Loss
Decide to stay and have the baby that day, or go home to process your loss.
Tell your doctor if you want to have an autopsy.
Name your baby.
Speak of your baby by name and ask others to do the same.
Express your fears to your doctor about labor and ask them for assistance through vaginal delivery or c-section.
Choose an anesthesia that will work for you.
C-section:
Spinal anesthesia: You will be numb from the mid-chest level down, and fully awake. If you use a Twilight drug, you will feel drowsy and may fall in and out of sleep.
Full anesthesia: To be fully asleep or in the case of an emergency c-section.
Laboring Mom:
A natural Labor
An IV medication for pain relief
An Epidural
Ask about the availability of a cuddle cot in your hospital.
Start to set expectations that you will want to be a part of weighing and bathing the baby once your delivery/c-section is complete so it is not done without you present.
Ask about extending your stay in the hospital to be present with your baby as long as possible.
What to do after being given your baby
Look at and hold your baby immediately.
Do skin to skin time with your baby.
Be active in bathing and examining your baby in the recovery room.
Keep a cuddle cot in your bed with you
If your hospital does not have a cuddle cot, ask for bags of ice to be packed around your baby in a regular bassinet.
Keep the bassinet in your bed with you.
Swaddle your baby if you will be passing him/her around to keep their skin preserved.
Journal your anger, your despair, and your love for your child.
Try writing a letter to your baby or sketching a picture of their face.
Use Baby powder to mask any scent that may occur.
Take pictures and videos. It will seem hard but you will cherish every photo.
Ask about the service “Now I lay me down to sleep”- they take professional pictures of families who have been through stillbirth and neonatal loss.
Take handprints and molds of your baby’s hands and feet.
Cut a lock of hair to keep.
Use a calming scent. We suggest Lavender as it reduces anxiety and generates restful sleep.
Play calming music.
Hold a teddy bear or blanket to calm nerves when you are not able to hold your baby.
Use your favorite baby outfits for pictures and for their departure outfit.
Take pictures of your baby with any older siblings.
Invite your friends and family to come visit and take pictures of them meeting your baby.
Use a cold compression if your milk starts coming in or ask for a pamphlet about donating your milk.
Make decisions one hour at a time.
Advice for Family or support person in the room
Be present
Cry
Be silent
Always use the Baby’s name
Do Say: I am here with you, I am so sorry, I love you, tell me more about...
Do NOT say: Everything happens for a reason, This is all a part of God’s plan, I know what you are going through, At least…
Follow mom’s lead and listen to her fears and anxieties about the following days.
Ask to hold the baby and take a picture or video.
Take pictures and videos to send to the family afterward. Do NOT share pictures/videos without permission.
Assist with Calling:
Extended family and friends
Religious clergy
Funeral homes
Inform work- update leave of absence plans
Insurance
Care for other children at home
Get the house and car cleaned
Begin meal train
Cancel or update any emails from pregnancy blogs or websites (ex: the bump)
Update or make doctor calls
You are also experiencing pain. Get support for yourself as well. Talk about your own pain and don’t be afraid to show your grief.
En Espaniol
Day in the hospital Support
Support from MOHA on the days spent in the hospital with your baby.
Day of Separation Support
MOHA support for the day of separation from your baby